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Thursday, 1 January 2004
dont kno
wow, its 2004.
another year gone by fast. i find as the years go by, they tend to leave faster. Come to soon, and leave to fast. Hmm. SOrt of like people. I have met a few interesting people so far in my journey to the end, and as quickly as i meet them, they are gone.
Infact, i have one person in particular that i find to be quite dear to me. He.(wink wink) is probably one of the most influencal and important people in my life. I also find that i might be driving him away with my overwhelming tendencies to be closer to him, and my desire to have him all to myself.. I supose i just dont know how to express how i feel..exactually how i mean it.
Ever since i decided to find relationships with people, i have noticed that i find away to make things more complex then they were intended to be. I , at times, can be quite the emotional wreck. The problem here is that i am very implosive, and i dont tend to mention things when they occur, but at a later time..which in turns makes things more complex then they need to be. Then afterwards, i step back and i look at what i have created, and i feel embarressted and immature. Although i am young, i dont feel young. At times, i wish i could feel like my own age..maybe i missed out on what i shoule be experiencing to build up to how i am now...which i should probably of kept at bay for a little while longer...if that made any sense....
I just need someone to understand where i am coming from, instead of hearing exactually what i am saying..but rather read between the lines.
i have not yet foud my partner in life, and dont intend to for awhile..i would be scared to. But the person i have found...i have never felt more comfortable..more loved in my life. More beautiful..
but i suppose i am taking things way to serious..
we have been together for awhile..but..
i think he thinks i am phsyco. {laughs}
Well, i dont necessarily think that...but hell, i am not the most calm person at times..but i am not perfect..
I Love him..so much.
Does he love me liek i love him..
infact..i sometiems wonder if i am the only one
he cares for.
I am quite naive, being so young, that he could easily do that..but then again, he doesnt seem like he would betray..anyone like that...use anyone in that manner..
I suppose since lying and deceit..as far as relationships, is all i have ever known...
Although he has given me a few reasons not to fully trust him, i do..
I feel odd, i must go lay down..
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 5:30 PM PST
Sunday, 26 October 2003
Sunday
R.E.M-losing my religion\/
Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
________________________________________________
yes it is a good song.
It has been about a week since i have last written.
I have been grounded, on account of bad grades.
*tisk tisk*
Anways.
well, alot has happend in this past week.
It is getting late.
I should resume fetal position.
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 7:59 PM PDT
Sunday, 19 October 2003
sunday.
Portishead-Mysterons
Mysterons
Inside your pretending,
Crimes have been swept aside,
Somewhere, where they can forget.
Divine upper reaches,
Still holding on,
This ocean will not be grasped.
All for nothing
Did you really want,
Did you really want,
Did you really want,
Did you really want.
Refuse to surrender,
Strung out until ripped apart,
Who dares, who dares to condemn
All for nothing
Did you really want,
Did you really want,
Did you really want,
Did you really want.
____________________________________________________
Today is Sunday.
Yesterday was saturday.
I went to bed at 12:30 or 1:30. I forget.
I feel shitty this morning.
Not because of loss sleep.
Not because of anything
but my own thoughts.
I feel so.
Neglected.
Tossed Aside.
But.Somehow, i dont
mind this.
too much anyways.
My parents are mentally busy
finding things to argue about,
or ramona, or money. or something.
My grandmother doesnt have much
goin on 'upstairs'.
Ramona.
Well.
In the Begining. She was nice.
But then she opened up herself.
And became someone i am trying to avoid
IN MY OWN HOUSE.
She doesnt mistreat me that often. But
I think when she does, she is trying to show
that she is older,And she
'knowz' more.
I find it extremely Immature.
And annoying.
I am not in my room, just
so she wont talk to me.
One minute, she is all over me, and
being considerate, and sweet.
Next minute, she acts like a total freak, and is
a complete bitch.
I have no idea what to do.
I wont tell my parents, because they will
do something.
And i dont want to ruin Ramona's little stay here.
So, i will just suck it up.
And live like this for the next..ohh
7 months.
-i shall resume to my normal state-
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 12:21 PM PDT
Friday, 17 October 2003
Fridy
Outkast-Hey Ya
you know, i dont know why the hell i am listening to fucking outkast. But i just am.
my parents went out of town today. they will be gone till sunday!..
Whee
'cavegirl' went to melinda's house..She will be gone too
its just me and me deaf grandmother.
Lea was suppose to come over tonight. But i dont think she will.
She might come later though.[wigglz]
Tomorrow i want to do something. I am not sure what i want to do. But i wanna do something. something fun.
Oh, i went to Gibson with Mike today. That was fun.
I like that place, but i like mike better. *smiles*
I am wiggling in my seat, because of boredom....
*wigglez away.*
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 9:59 PM PDT
Thursday, 16 October 2003
Thurs.
Radiohead-There,There
Well.
I dont remember writing yesterday, i think i did though.
Anyways. Today is Thurs. 16.
I think my day was considerably decent.
My day with Mike,My portion of the day with mIke Was the highlight of my day, as it is everytime i am with him.
After school Melinda came over..but didnt stay all that long. Which was quite unfortunate.
I was suppose to go do something with Lauren, by my mother didnt thing it was a good idea.
This weekend my parents are going to be gone. *yay*
i dont know what i want to do...
Do i want to have a big party and get SMASHEd....
[by the way, that was a joke. SaRcAsIm is My DeFeNSe MecHaNiziM]
Hmm,
This whole foiegn girl in my house, getting the better hand with my parents so they spoil her, and leave me curled in fetal possioin on the cold bathroom floor..
Just isnt working for me.
She gets straigh A's.
I dont.
She gets to have boys over late at night.
I dont.
She gets to go out until like fucking...11:00
on a school night
I dont.
She doesnt get home until like 1:00
'oh its ohky ramona, just dont let it happen again'
I dont understand......
I Guess i am jealous. But that is a hard thing to admit.
I guess i am just jealous of her privlidges..or how ever you spell that shit.
She gets to have/date a guy two years older..and I cant?
WHAT THE FUCK.
Grr.
well i am finished with rambling, and sounding like a two year old that is jealous of the kid down the street with a cooler toy.
Unlike a child, i am not afraid to kill..
[gigglz]
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 8:06 PM PDT
Tuesday, 14 October 2003
Tuesday the 14th
Woven-beautiful
The clock reads 8:24pm
and i am anticipating the arrival of my mother and her yelling @ 9:00 when i must get off.
It is the new rule, i can only be on the computer from 8:00pm-9:00 everynight, because my grades are [falling]. Yes it is quite RETARDED.
i dont feel talkative at the moment.
Good night
-scarlettly-
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 8:20 PM PDT
Monday, 13 October 2003
Monday the 13
Skinny Puppy-candle
Whoa, Today is Monday the 13th, and it was a considerably great day. I woke up in a shitty mood. Right when i walked out the door to go to school and saw Melinda, i was in a good mood for pretty much the rest of the day. Until i saw my hunny bunny, and that perfected my day. Near the end of 5th period, and pretty much all of 6th i felt like Shit. [Tired, Down..blah blah blah.] Then the end of 6th period. I turned into a complete freak. I am not sure what came over me. But I just like literally freaked out. Mentally and Physically. I guess i just got a sudden burst of energy. Then i stepped outside of 6th period, and i was imidiatly tired again.
I think something is wrong with my brain. Honestly.
Oh well. Not much i can do about it. Except [live it off]. *loser*
On thursday, i think i am gonna go spend some 'quality' time with Teddy[lauren].That sounds like fun. And my hunny bunny asked me to formal.[wigglez]and my mother said yes{dont ask about the mother thing}
Ben came over tonight.
[ben is my 8th grade brother figure. He is soo cute. But is annoying as fuck at times.]
and we ate seafood pasta.
Haha, i smelled my hands, and it smelled like fish. and i was like "WhoA, My HanD SmElLs LiKE ol' PussY"
and my dad laughed. My mother was deeply offended.
>gigglZ<
Well, i must resume fetal possion on the ground.
A rootbeer float sounds specatacular. And i am off.
*poof*
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 7:52 PM PDT
Sunday, 12 October 2003
-glitter-
Rasputina-Call Me Alice
I turn my head, and 5:23pm is in little black numbers on the bottom right hand corner of my screen.
I just recently watched the movie 'may' about....5 minutes ago to be exact.
Now, for my opinion.
It was weird. Not nesecarily good wierd, but just wierd. The movie is about this girl[may], that grew up with a lazy eye, and she had to wear a patch, so she became friendless except a doll her mother had given her.. And then throughout the whole movie she doesnt have any friends. She gets a boyfriend 'adam', but he dumps her because she bits his lip and it bleeds. And she gets off on it. Then later this girl hits on her[polly]. So she goes to her[polly's] house, and they kiss, and do [girl stuff]. Then she finds her[polly] with this hooker girl named embrosa, and she gets jealous. So she decides to cut her up. And then she makes a big ol' doll out of human parts. Parts of people she likes.
and that about sums it up.
It was poorly made in my book. I personally like the whole consept of this lonely girl cutting up people to make a friend[the doll]. but it was very vague about alot of things, and you really had to think about it. So yea.
This place is a madhouse. Honestly.
I walk down the halls and if feels like a fucking hotel.
(to fill you in a little, my grandmother moved in with us[my mom, dad and i] and we have a foreign exchange student.)
My grandmother is pissing me off. I dont know why. But she is. and the forgein chick is too. So is my mother. My dad is on my ass.
Hmm.
I feel weird.
Depressed...no..
lonely....maybe....but no....
tired....possiblity..I
dont know. But it's weird.
I am going to go drink some more water.
[sic]
-annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 5:36 PM PDT
SSDD
Marilyn Manson-Coma White
The clock reads 12:05pm, its a wonderful day...but i dont find myself wanting to enjoy it. My mother offered to take me out. I declined, but i think i will go anyways. Just to get out.
Last night was hectic, and i never want to feel that pain again. Then i called my hunny bunny[teehee] on the fone, and he made it all better.{wiggles}
I have so much to say, but i dont feel like expressing it here.
I will have to get used to this. Used to a daily task of expressing my inner most thoughts to the public. [whoa]
So for now, i will rest my pain-stricken hands, and go get some water.
-scarlettly-
annie
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 12:09 PM PDT
Saturday, 11 October 2003
my first
hello
I have decide to creative a blog.
i dont have any apparent reason, other then i am an extremely lonley child, and have nothing else really to fill my time. As time progresses, these will get longer and more detailed. As far as this one, this is what you get.
Posted by vgutterglitterv
at 8:15 PM PDT
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